Stydia 10
by everythingstydia
Summary: Lydia is having a breakdown because of all the feelings for Stiles, but she can't seem to ran away from him. I will write chapter 2, if any of you guys will be interested!
1. Chapter 1

Lydia wasn't even sure what she was doing.

It didn't make sense. Although that was the only place she actually thought of going.

She drove very carefully and slowly, since it was late evening and dark, and stopped as soon as she reached Derek's loft. Lydia hesitated before leaving her car. She wasn't even sure what she was going to say to him. Well she surely couldn't go to Scott, he is _his_ best friend… And she was quite sure that Scott would've immediately understood it was all about Stiles. It was about him, and his Malia, and it was about the distance between Lydia and Stiles.

She wasn't jealous. Mostly just very sad. And tired from seeing happy new couple together…

Lydia didn't want Scott to know or Kira… even though three of them were growing close. Since Mexico, she kept her emotions locked up, she patiently helped Malia, and she talked to Stiles with no signs of jealousy or sadness. She really did want him to be happy. "What a cliché," banshee thought to herself, when finally getting out of the car.

Lydia stopped at the door of Derek's loft. Then she took a deep but shaky breath and gently knocked. She really couldn't believe she felt so broken and lonely that she went to Derek Hale. Who was not the biggest fan of her.

"Lydia?" Derek was surprised to see her. As soon as he looked into her eyes his whole look changed. It suddenly became gentle and apologizing.

"Hey…" she tried smiling but for some reason she felt her eyes tearing up. Lydia stood there awkwardly for a minute.

"I…" she began to explain herself, but then over Derek's shoulder Lydia saw.._him._

His limbs were all over ground, one leg thrown on Scott's, both quietly snoring.

"I'm sorry..uh…I didn't realize they were going to be here.." she stuttered and took her hands in fists, so they would stop shaking from emotions she got when she saw Stiles.

Derek crossed his arms on his chest.

"Yeah, these two were trying to do research on were-jaguars and fell asleep," it was very clear that Derek was annoyed.

"I'm just gonna go, sorry.."

"Why did you come here, Lydia? I mean it's pretty late, and we're not the best of friends."

She closed her eyes and started rubbing both sides of her head.

"I don't know…"

"Whoa, like a banshee-thing-don't-know?" his eyebrows went up, worriedly.

Lydia shook her head feeling nothing but sad and embarrassed. She also tried to keep the tears from falling, God forbid she would start sobbing in front of Derek Hale.

"No, I'm..God.." her voice broke and she took a step back. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess, and I really don't know why I came here, I just wanted someone who wouldn't ask me questions, but…"

"Would understand how you feel…?" he tried slowly.

And then she lost it. She started shaking and sobbing, and ended up on the floor by Derek's loft. She was on her knees, face in her hands and Lydia started thinking about every single thing that went wrong.

She remembered Allison, her only and first best friend, she remembered Aiden, guy who she always believed was good, but was just too proud to admit. Then Scott, he's always there for people he loves, but he has just lost so much.

But mostly she thought of Stiles, the one sleeping nearby, who couldn't hear Lydia's quiet tears and sobbing. Lydia remembered those two hazel eyes, the kiss, she thought about time when he just held her in her arms, right after Aiden died. She just couldn't bear that he belonged to someone else, even though he never belonged to Lydia.

Derek knelt in front of tiny banshee.

"Lydia, your emotions are all over the place." He squeezed her shoulder gently. For Derek. "What the hell is going on?"

"I..I.." She was almost whispering and placed her palm on her chest, like it was hard for her to breathe. "I can't hold it anymore…"

That seemed to relieve Derek.

"It's fine, you're a banshee it's what you do, right? Aside from bringing back from the dead psychotic people like Peter, it's basically your _job._" He spoke calmly, probably because it the pack was used to Lydia's meltdowns. "If it's just banshee problems, it's all okay. You're still working on it."

Lydia still had trouble breathing normally. That fire in her throat, she could feel it every time she thought of Stiles, or Malia, or Allison. It wasn't a general banshee scream. She actually thought these ones, were coming from her heart.

"No, I really have to get out of here, I can't…not in front of.." she could barely say a normal sentence, that's how much it hurt.

It was only a matter of seconds, she really had no choice, and she knew it.

And then Lydia screamed. _No, it definitely wasn't a banshee scream. _Every little emotion, heartbreak was in that scream, and it actually tore her apart. She screamed with her head down, tears still on her face, and just that second she felt incredibly tired.

Her voice slowly went quiet, returning into a sob, but this time Derek was almost hugging her (just before she stopped screaming, Lydia thought she heard something like "I'm not much of a hugger…") and of course, Stiles and Scott was already here, woken up by the sound of Lydia's voice.

"What the hell?!" Both guys looked shocked.

"Lydia," Scott spoke. "What are you doing here? And what's wrong with…" He suddenly stopped. Then slowly looked into Lydia's watery eyes and then breathed in every emotion in the room.

He opened his eyes form surprise. Of course. All room sank in pain, chaos, sadness, love and it was all toward Stiles.

Now Stiles was rushing to Lydia, who was still shaking and still holding on to Derek. He helped her stand up, and Lydia tried not to meet Stiles' eyes.

"What is it? Who's gonna die?" He immediately started asking questions.

"Stiles, it's not…" His best friend started, but Stiles was already panicking.

"Because you know, my dad is home so he shouldn't be in danger..I think, and and Malia is…"

"STILES!" both Derek and Scott shouted, shutting him up.

Lydia spoke, taking another step back.

"No one's dying. I'm sorry if I scared you and.." she closed her eyes for one second, like she was having a bad headache. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"What are you talking about, Lydia?" He asked, very surprised. "Screw sleep, you were just screaming like you were being chocked. Literally, like a minute ago."

"I need to get home." She almost whispered, still avoiding his gaze.

"Okay, I'm going to drop you home." Scott suggested carefully watching her, like she's about to break.

"No," she said quickly. "No, it's okay, I'm okay."

Now all three guys looked at her.

"You're heartbeat raised up at the word "Okay." " Derek told her.

Scott took a step forward and took her hand. Ignoring black pain going through his veins he still walked, Lydia alongside him.

"Yo, Scott! What's going on?!" Stiles jogged to them.

"Look, dude she really doesn't want to talk to you."

Stiles was just about to protest but he just sighed, defeated, and spoke more quietly.

"Lyds?.. Talk to me."

The girl closed her eyes, not wanting to see Stiles worried. Because she knew he wasn't. He was worried about his girlfriend, and not Lydia.

"I'm okay." That's all she said before letting go of Scott's hand and walking down the stairs.

After a minute, Stiles spoke again.

"Well no shit, I'm going after her."

"No! Just..she doesn't want to talk to you." Scott repeated.

"Well how would you know that?!" Now the boy was almost angry. He hated being shut out like this.

His best friend made the first excuse that came into his mind.

"I'm a True Alpha…"

"Hey, no, don't _true-alpha-me_ now. Something's up, and…"

"Stiles!" Scott said louder. "I'm gonna catch up to her, I'm gonna take her home, safely, okay? Just…" He wasn't sure what he wanted to say. "Dude..it's not my fault that your blind." He gave Stiles one reassuring smile and left.

"So…" Scott was the first to speak on the way to Lydia's house. "Stiles?"

She just gave him a sad look and a friendly smile.

"We're not talking about this, Scotty."

Scott nodded and kept driving Lydia's car. When they reached her house the girl started panicking.

_"__Scott, how the holly hell did he manage to get here first?!" _

Now Scott understood who she was referring to. Here, on the front porch of her house sat the one and only Stiles Stilinski.

"No no no no! No, Scott save me, I can't talk to him!"

"Lydia, relax. It's just Stiles, he won't eat you."

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and got out of the car. As soon as she took a step on the ground, Stiles ran to her, wrapped his hands around her waist ignoring that Scott was still in the car and whispered.

"Lydia. Talk to me."

She tried to get out of his strong hands, but it didn't work, and he definitely wasn't ready to let go. Finally, she looked up to him, and said "I can't."


	2. Chapter 2

She only saw pain in his eyes.

"Lydia…" Stiles let go of her waist and it looked like he was about to walk away, but then shook his head like he didn't know what to do and said:  
"I'm not leaving, until you tell me what it is."

Before Lydia could reply, Scott got out of the car and walked to his best friend.

"Dude, maybe you could just…"

"No, Scott! You don't get it, okay?"

Scott couldn't help it anymore.

"Actually, I'm the only one who gets it! Lydia reeks from pain and stress don't cause her any more of that."

Banshee decided it was time for her to speak up.

"Scott!" she cut him off and shook her head. "Take my car, go home. You can drive it back to me tomorrow." She said quietly.

Alpha seemed to be torn, not sure what to do.

"Okay…" he finally said. "I'm just trying to protect you… And, Stiles, man I'm sorry, I…" he looked apologizing at his best friend and then back at Lydia. "Just talk. Bye."

Lydia smiled at him, as he drove away. Then brought her sad gaze to Stiles'.

"What is wrong?" He asked, calmly.

Lydia suddenly felt so week and little. Like she wanted to curl up in someone else's hands and just sleep. In front of _him,_ she felt completely vulnerable.

When she spoke her voice was week and broken.

"Go home, Stiles…"

"Damn it Lydia. " He snapped. "You're not the whiny one, I am, and now you're just talking shit. I'm not going home, how can you not get that? I can't stand watching you like this…"

"Well I can't stand watching _you…!" _

He frowned, taking a step back.

"What?"

"I….damn it." She cursed.

"What the hell, Lydia? Are you trying to hurt me?"

She took a breath.

"No, I am trying to _survive _you."

He looked like a confused puppy. Eyes going around, and a frown on a face.

"Are you like..drunk?"

Lydia was about to cry, but this question actually brought her back.

"Why would you think that I'm drunk?"

"Because I literally do not understand what you're saying."

She closed her eyes for a second, and the walked pass by him to the doors, just to realize that her bag was still at Derek's. So as her keys.

"Wow, is it full moon tonight?..." she said more to herself than Stiles and sat on her porch, taking her head in her palms.

"What is it?" Stiles said, kneeling in front of her and carefully taking her hands in his. This action made her look at him.

"I…don't have my keys." She whispered.

Stiles didn't even blink. He already knew that this was the only way, and to be honest, this way was okay with him.

_"__Okay, you're staying with me." _

Lydia wanted to say so many words to him, and she couldn't find one way to say them. Without thinking her eyes dropped to his lips and she blurted out without thinking.

"You broke me, huh..?" As soon as she said that Lydia immediately panicked pulling her hands out of his, and standing up, not very sure what she was going to do. It was not only hurtful. It was embarrassing, and awkward.

"Lydia, again, I…" he threw his hands in the air. "…I'm gonna have to go with "What"?"

"How do you expect to understand what I'm saying if we barely talk anymore? It's all Malia now, and I get it. She's yours. And you…" She swallowed hard tears, as moonlight lit her face. "You are definitely hers…"

Now Stiles was catching up with what was going on. He looked into her eyes but didn't move from the porch.

"You just…I don't know, we've all been busy, and..school year you know, you've been studying, and you took extra hour of physics…"

These were the lames excuses and it made her almost angry.

"Physics?! You wanna talk about physics? Okay, Stiles. Let's talk. Now, how exactly do I explain it to you…? How do I explain, that every time you touch me, your fingertips stains into my skin, and there's no other possible reaction?! And every time I actually try to sleep, I can't because I'm in love with you with every atom of my being. " Lydia sighed and put her both hands on her chest. "And it _physically hurts_. Being around you. I thought love wasn't supposed to hurt. How did I end up here, sobbing over and over?"

He looked like the world was pulled away from his legs. Lips parted, he just couldn't speak. Normally he would be jumping around, Lydia Martin, the girl he loved for forever, loved him. But he couldn't bear that this gave her so much pain.

At first Stiles hesitated, but then walked over closer to Lydia and looked deeply into her eyes, hands slowly rising to cup her face.

But she backed out. She took a step back and looked at his broken face.

"No…" Lydia said. "We're not doing this. That whole thing, when you kiss me, and everything is okay, you break up with your girlfriend, so you can be with me, just because I'm this pathetic."

He stood there, stunned, looking all sad.

"You tell me you love me, and you think that's pathetic? Thanks."

She shook her head, licking her lips.

"No. That's not the pathetic part. Now I'm that girl who is too late. Because I'm lost without you. And you…you don't look at me the same way. That way was…more than you having a crush on me. It was my home. You aren't mine Stiles. And I have to get over it. That is the pathetic part." She finished.

He stormed closer, and this time she really didn't have anywhere to run.

His warm breath was all over her face, and he was just about to kiss her, when… -


	3. Chapter 3

"Yes, Scott?" Stiles answered his phone, still looking deeply into Lydia's eyes.

She felt week, when he looked at her that way. Lydia only wanted to do either one of two things, option a) she really did want to kiss him. Or option b) she wanted to run away from him, maybe even never see him again.

He had a concerned look on his face.

"Okay," Stiles sighed. "We'll be there in 15."

He hung up the phone, put it in his jeans pocket and took Lydia's hand dragging her with him all way to his jeep.

"Where are we going?"

Stiles suddenly turned around, facing her, again, causing her to squeak a little bit. She stopped herself from crashing into him.

"Animal clinic," he said. Stiles' hazel eyes were tired, watery and mostly sad. They mirrored Lydia's green ones.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Deaton thinks he figured out how to stop Kate, and he wants all of us to be there." he said, his voice calm, steady.

Lydia just nodded and sat in the passenger's seat not saying another word.

Knowing, that Stiles can't see her in dark like this, she looked at him, carefully. Hands shaking a little bit, he didn't look awkward or uncomfortable though. Corners of his lips were down, she swore to God, that second she didn't see any usual spark in his face, just sorrow.

"Do you know what a panic attack feels like?" he asked, eyes on the road.

"No." she replied, in same voice tone as his.

"Well it's like…it kinda is like drowning." Stiles shrugged his shoulders. "You can't breathe, it actually hurts, and you always fear of what's gonna happen next. It's like…you can't find anything happy. Nothing crosses your mind, it feels like a small demon is clawing its way out of your chest, destroying everything in its path. You're at war with yourself, until..." He sighed, still not looking at her. "Until you see that thing that pulls you back. It's that yearning; that wanting. And I've been feeling like this since third grade. I'm not gonna tell all cheesy love words, Lydia. And I am tired of repeating to you. I am going to love _every atom of your being_ as long as the stars are above you. But I can't keep loving you from afar. I don't want to anymore."

Lydia remained silent, trying to take his words in.

She could only hear one sound, unbelievably strong and loud. Crashing sound. She thought that it was coming from her heart, but apperantely it was her whole body.

Banshee couldn't respond to that, they were already there. They both got out of the car and silently walked in the clinic.

Everyone else was already here. Derek cought her eye first. He lifted his eyebrows a little bit, as if he was asking "Are you okay?"

Malia ran towards Stiles in a second. Her lips was already on his cheek, and she whispered in his ear.

"Are you okay?" then she turned to Lydia. "Something is really wrong with you two."

"We are both fine, don't worry about it."

"Yeah, I'm not worrying about you. Just him," she said casually, without any sight of sarcasm. That's just the way Malia was.

"So!" Deaton smiled. "If we could just…you know." And he smiled politely again. Lydia, by that time wasn't even looking at Stiles, he had Malia all over his hands and face. Though from the corner of my eye, she noticed, he wasn't very happy with his girlfriend right now.

Scott quietly observed everything, and Lydia avoided his eyes too. She could feel it, she was a wreck.

Emissary kept talking.

"Now, from what I've heard, shape shifters like Kate, can be saved. Or stopped. Whatever you prefer. And yes, it's done in a very usual and also very cheesy way. Scott. We need you to find _her emotional tether_. We need her anchor, that way we can bring her back."

"Back from what? Back to human?" Scott asked.

"Wait, hold up hold up." Malia interrupted raising her hand. "Could someone tell me..and Kira," she pointed at a very confused kitsune. "What the hell is an emotional tether?"

Now Lydia looked at Stiles. And he was looking at her too. No anger, no hard feelings. They looked at each other and they felt that they belonged in each other's eyes.

"Okay, why are you guys looking at each other like you just feel in love?" Were-coyote asked, clear annoyance in her voice.

Derek sighed.

"An emotional tether is your person. The one that always pulls you back, the one who is destined and connected with you, forever. It's not something you can choose, your anchor, basically you wouldn't be able to survive…anything without that connection. Emotional tether. And everyone has one."

"Yeah," Scott nodded to confused girls. "Like, Deaton is mine now… Since he's been like a..father figure thing, so you know that's the person…"

"Like Lydia is mine." Stiles interrupted.

"WHAT?!" Kira and Malia asked at the same time. One of her was just confused and surprised, the other one…sounded threatening and accusingly.

Stiles just lowered his head and his gaze to the ground and shook his head, compressing his lips together.

"And I am hers."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hello, my dearest readers! I wanted to thank you for your support and reviews! If you enjoy my writing, I'll be happy to take your requests! Love you all. 3**_

Room was silent.

Nobody said a word, nobody moved, and Stiles had his look focused on the floor. The only sound was the rain outside, and Lydia rolled her eyes thinking how dramatic it was at a moment like this.

"Malia, can we talk?" Stiles suddenly asked.

"We can talk here." She said firmly and then glared at Lydia, looking mad, and checking her out from head to toe and back.

He sighed and shook his head _once again. _

Before Stiles could say anything, everyone looked at Derek, who whined quite loudly.

"No, no, no! Again with the drama. No! No, stop with the teenage drama! It's goddamn annoying, stop doing that. "He spoke quickly and harshly, like he's been holding that in himself for a long time. "We're all going to divide into groups and go researching. I'm tired of having this _awesome _life, and you with all your teenage drama and rage and hormones are not helping!" Derek yelled. "So shut up, all of you_. No, damn it, Stiles, no, shut it." _

Everyone stared at him for a minute, stunned. Finally, Stiles couldn't resist from a snarky comment.

"That was like…fifteen NOes."

Derek glared at him with one of his I'm Gonna Kill You look, and then looked at Scott.

"Okay." The Alpha said. "So, that was a…" it looked like he tried to hold back laughter. "That was a good speech, buddy."

Derek's breakdown seemed to lighten the mood. Even Malia didn't look so angry anymore. Stiles looked sad, yes, but his eyes had a little bit of light inside them again.

Kira walked to Malia and took her hand.

"Okay, me and Malia are going to do research about were-jaguars in Japanese mythology, maybe? We..somehow seem to face it a lot in our lives." Kitsune exhaled.

Strangely, no one protested. Probably because everyone was still a little afraid of what Derek might do to them if they did.

While passing Scott she kissed him on the cheek, murmured "Bye" and both girls left the clinic.

For a moment guys and Lydia didn't say anything, but there was definite tension in the room. Mostly between Lydia and Stiles, whose gaze was locked on her.

"Okay, let's wrap it up, Lydia and I are going to try and find some information. That works?"

Deaton, Scott and Derek nodded. Lydia ran her hand through the messy curls and nodded. She put on a little but genuine smile when she walked pass Derek, but he didn't respond.

"Don't do any _teenagerly_ shit, you two!" He screamed at her on their way out.

Stiles and Lydia walked out of the clinic in silence, both not knowing exactly what to say.

"Hey, take my hoodie, otherwise you're gonna get soaked."

Her eyes finally met his, and she had to look way up to see his face, since now, not wearing heels Lydia was so much shorter than him.

She smiled, thankfully.

"No, thanks, banshees are not afraid of water."

"No, but your hair is going to get wet and then you're just going to get sick, and you'll have a flu and nobody likes a flu and I don't like it when you have it." He rambled.

"Stiles, I'm okay. I don't need it." Lydia reassured him and smiled again.

He didn't say anything now, just watched her going to his jeep, casually, in the rain. For Stiles, it looked like a strawberry-blond sun, lightening absolutely everything, blinding him and leaving him breathless yet again.

When he finally got back to life, he also rushed to his jeep and without saying a word started the car.

Lydia stared in the darkness, but broke the silence with a very sad giggle.

"What is our problem Stiles?"

He smiled.

"I don't know. When did we become so overdramatic? Usually we're this…bantering married couple."

"I know.." She sighed. "And we're not even together _yet_."

He immediately turned his head in her direction, reading her face, lips parted but he didn't find words this quickly.

Lydia realized what she said, after about two seconds. Then her eyes went wide and she sat up straighter, moving on the seat uncomfortably.

"I mean, I don't mean that, I just…it came out."

"Right…" he said with clear disbelief and sarcasm in his voice. "So you're either hoping for us to get together or you simply know that's gonna happen. I'm pretty sure that was the meaning of that "yet" at the end."

"As always, Stiles, it's not easy."

He let out a breath, focusing on the road, still driving slowly.

"If it's the right person, it's easy."

Now it was Lydia's turn to face him. She shot her eyebrows up as he met her look and then they both burst up laughing.

"I know." Stiles said through his adorable laugh. "That's bullshit, just some Scott-Kira thingy."

Neither of them said another word till they reached Stiles' house. It was still raining, so strawberry blonde tried to get to the door as fast as she could, but Stiles' hand locked on her waist and turned her around to meet him.

He looked at her in a way that was pure magic, so she just put her fists on his firm chest and waited for him to speak, ignoring the rain that was now pouring on her face, since she was so much shorter.

"Just tell me, very simply, Lydia Martin. What are we doing? Because it seems to me that you love me. And I have no part in my body that doesn't love you. But…we're just doing nothing, we're just crying about it and we got all these feelings but we can't manage to put them in words and I am, once again, running back to you. But I can't keep doing that so you just have to tell me…"

When he was speaking, she was staring at his lips. At first she tried to practice the speech she was about to say in her head, thinking of a way to say him everything and not make things worse.

"Stiles… Being with you doesn't make me sane. You make me lose my mind but you also make me want to live another day. And that is something I've…never experienced before. The thought of you keeps me warm and I want to kiss you, constantly, and I like smelling like you, when you hug me, because it reminds me why I wake up every day. But you have Malia. And she's not that complicated and she's your safety."

He closed his eyes.

"But you're my heaven."


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles didn't kiss her.

He rested his forehead against hers, and they held each other for minutes, their eyes closed, and heartbeats matching.

"We should go inside." Lydia broke the silence.

He left out a breath, nodding. She turned around going to the house, but was stopped by him again. This time he gently gripped her hand.

"I don't know where this will take us, and we're pathetic for not figuring this out, but it's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you."

Lydia nodded, heat all over her body, when she looked at him, and everything in him that she loved and adored so much.

„I know..." She nodded.

* * *

"You can..uhm…I can loan you a t-shirt if you want. You're soaked."

She knew where this was going. If she wears his t-shirt…she won't be able to stop. She'll want to feel him and smell like him and feel his heart against hers. He was that addicting.

So Lydia just shrugged and smiled, taking a little step back from him, not exactly trusting herself near him.

"I'm okay."

"Yeah, that wasn't a question by the way. Choose whatever you want." He pointed to his chest of drawers.

She didn't try to reply or argue. Just licked her lips slightly and walked across the room.

Lydia picked white long sleeves t-shirt and sweatpants, and then heard his husky voice from behind. Now he was standing too close.

"You can use the bathroom if you want. I'll be a gentleman."

She laughed lightly turning to see him, but suddenly stopped, facing his bare chest. A muscular one at that. For a second there she couldn't say anything, but the slowly looked up to see his face, which was not what she expected.

When guys do something like that in front of her, they look expectantly, glowing, proud, all smiley and goofy. That was not what she saw in Stiles' face. He was calm, not too much hunger in his eyes, he was just calm and peaceful.

"You know, that would've been very _gentlemanly _if you wouldn't have claimed that you'll BE a gentleman."

Now he really laughed and she did the same.

"Point taken."

Lydia pulled herself together to walk away from him and slipped into the bathroom.

She hung up all her wet clothes on a heater and slowly put on his clothes. They were oversized, of course, but she liked it. And it smelled purely like him, like toffee and vanilla. She smiled at herself in the mirror, eyes heavy and sleepy.

When banshee got back to his room he was dressed, already at the computer, typing something.

"Stiles."

He quickly turned around, observing her. Clothes oversized, her reddish cheeks and messy bun on top of her head. Stiles couldn't help but smile at her, so tiny and cuddly.

"Stiles?" Her voice brought him back as always.

"Yeah, here."

"I think we should…make some ground rules. For tonight."

He frowned a little, questioning her.

"We…You can't do that."

"What that?" He asked.

"_That that._ What you did ten minutes ago. You have to stop…making me shiver when I try to get a normal sentence out. And we can't do that. Right now we have too much work, so we're not…figuring this, us, now." She was struggling with words. "But we still can't..are not doing that. I mean you can't kiss me." She pointed out, now hearing how ridiculous that sounded, and yet true.

"Are you saying I won't be able to control myself around you? Because you are standing here wearing my clothes, in my room, your light skin lingering under my favorite jersey, your feelings exposed and naked? Because, well, Miss Martin, I've been doing that for a long time. If that's of course what you meant."

She listened to his voice, not saying anything, eyes wide, falling for this goofball more and more with every word he said.

"No," She finally replied. "I'm saying I won't."

He smiled a little again, and patted to another chair that was for her.

"Don't worry. Girls worth kissing is not easily kissed."

* * *

So they spent about a half an hour going through information about were-jaguars love stories in legends, arms slightly brushing, her perfume all over him and his warmness radiating through his whole body towards her.

"Okay, that's it, I'm hungry." Stiles quickly stood up. "Can I get you anything?"

"Stiles, we haven't even found anything valuable yet, how can you think about food?"

"Well, looking up stuff about emotional tethers kind of makes me think about things I love, and as I remember, I can't think about you right now, so food is my second thing. Coffee?" He was speaking fluently, if that was the most normal thing to say.

Lines were disappearing now and she shot him the most blaming look she could manage.

"No, you're all the coffee I need, thanks." Lydia answered.

She thought she heard him leave the room, so she stood up, looking at photos on the wall above the computer. There was a little Stiles, with a beautiful woman next to him. His mother. She kept watching at that photo, counting similarities between son and mother, when she gasped for air suddenly feeling Stiles' hands around her waist, her back to his front. He put his chin on her shoulder.

"Stiles…" She tried. "You're crossing the lines."

"I don't care. And, I'm not kissing you." He whispered, brushing his nose on her neck now, making her shiver.

"Stiles…"

"You know I'm not trying some sex act on you, right? Since that day you kissed me…" He was speaking quietly. "You kissed me… And it's like you filled me with a thousand butterflies and a million tingles. And I don't think understand how many freckles on you I want to kiss right now."

Lydia finally turned her face, his hands still on her waist and hers on his chest.

"I've had your tears with mine, and you've had mine with yours. I think that's more intimate even than a kiss. But you're not that guy. You need to think about that girl, who doesn't know anything that's going on right now..."

"God, Lydia..." Stiles let go of her waist. "You keep saying that I'm not that guy, but don't pretend that you care about Malia, when we both know, that you are definitely THAT GIRL." He shook his head in frustration.

"So, what, you're thinking I'm still the same freshmen girl, who ignored you and who is actually capable of just stealing a boy from another girl?"

"Stop making things up, I didn't even say that! But if you're the girl who can have ten guys in one month, why would you…" He suddenly stopped realizing he went too far. Tears flickered in her eyes.

"Thank you for _that_, Stilinski. I'll see you at school." She quickly grabbed and her shoes of the ground and passed by him towards the door, tears still in her eyes, but she wasn't crying.

"What are you…Lydia, I didn't mean that, c'mon. You don't have your keys!"

"That's why I'm calling Derek. See you at school."

And with that, she was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Lydia felt sick.

She was already driving to school, knowing what she's going to have to face. A one certain boy, and of course his badass _lady friend_, still together.

She parked her car in a parking lot and put her head on the wheel. She took a few deep breaths, trying to forget about last night for at least a day. But there it was, his blue stupid jeep.

Of course, Lydia was still pissed at him and she decided it was probably best to avoid him, but she still couldn't help but think about the way Stiles looked at her last night, and everything he said. She found herself smiling a little bit, but quickly controlled it and hurried to school.

"Hey, Lydia!" Scott was the first who greeted her, all pack was waiting by her locker. _Of course they were. _

"Hi, Scotty." She said, trying to avoid Stiles' intense look, running through her whole body.

"First of all, are you okay?" Her friend asked. "And second, Stiles here, for some reason just rambles things about last night, so could you tell me if you found anything helpful?"

"Just that Stiles Stilinski is a huge dork…" Lydia murmured to herself.

Of course, they heard her even if they weren't supposed to. Scott and Kira exchanged questioning looks, Stiles didn't seem to react from what she saw, he just kept his eyes wide open, reading her face. _And then Malia growled at Lydia._

"Sweetheart, control yourself, you're at school." Lydia said calmly, no bitchy smile on her face, she wasn't even scared of were-coyote.

"I'm sorry, Lydia?" She heard a male voice behind her.

When he looked at the voice owner, her eyebrows went straight up; she didn't expect to see a man in Beacon Hills Police Station uniform looking for her.

"Deputy Parrrish," she said, still surprised, as were her friends. Now Stiles wasn't so oblivious. He looked at deputy, curiously, stepping a little closer to Lydia.

"Can I talk to you?" Policeman asked, smiling friendly.

"Of course." She answered instantly.

They walked a little farther from the lockers, trying to get some distance.

"I'm sorry to bother you at school."

"That's…okay. It's fine. How can I help you?" Banshee asked, not really expecting what it's all about, but she stood up straight, turning her back to her friends.

"That's the thing, Lydia. I don't actually know. See, Sherriff Stilinski send me here. Sort of. I need some help on a few cases, and don't ask why, because I don't know myself, but he suggested I should ask you, maybe you can help me."

Now it became clearer. Stiles' father knew about Lydia's..well..powers, so it was probably all about that.

She sighed, relieved.

"Yeah, of course. I think I know what it's about. Uhm..should I come by the station tomorrow afternoon?"

He smiled widely, giving her shoulder gentle squeeze.

"Thank you. I'll let you get back to classes, tomorrow then."

"Yeah." She smiled back, giving him a wave.

Lydia could feel four pairs of eyes on her back. They were all staring questioningly, except for Scott, who was probably wolf-hearing all the conversation.

"What did he want?" Stiles asked as soon as Lydia got back to her locker.

"Not much." She answered, looking for her books.

"Why do you care anyway?" Malia asked.

"I just…"

"I have math." Lydia cut them off and turned to Scott. "And no, I'm sorry, there's really nothing much about were-jaguars in that territory in particular. I'll keep digging, maybe..I don't know I'll go talk to Peter, see if he knows everything. I just…I don't know."

Alpha nodded taking his girlfriend's hand and the walked away, both saying "See you later."

"Actually, Malia, I'll meet you in class okay?"

"Yeah, sure…" She said slowly, looking Lydia up and down again. She kissed Stiles' cheek and walked away.

And so did Lydia.

"Wait, no, Lydia!" He quickly grabbed her arm and turned her to him, gently.

"What?!" She demanded. "Don't make me late, Stilinski."

He was a little hyper ventilating.

"So…what, we have like…what one fight? And what, you're just…? Are going on a date with that guy?!"

"What guy?" Lydia frowned but then realized who he was referring to. _"Deputy Parrish?!" _

"What is the matter with you?!" She took a step back, anger really growing inside. "So what, I tell you everything, we have an argument and then I just decide to date your father's co-worker. Uhm, okay, I just…Stiles, s-seriously? _What the hell, he's twenty four!" _

He just kept breathing, placing his hands on his hips, jealousy slowly fading away from his face.

"So you're…you're not?"

"Just shut up. I wanna punch you right now." She said crossing her arms on her chest, yesterday's sadness slowly coming back to her face and her heart.

"All this.." he said quietly. "It sounded bad, huh?"

"Just like everything with us, Stiles."

He shook his head.

"I need to talk to Malia. Don't I?"

She sighed and at the same time the bell rang.

"You figure it out, love." She responded softly.

And Lydia left him again, holding his breath as his heaven was walking away from him.

* * *

She hasn't seen Stiles all day. They weren't avoiding each other, but earlier they actually tried to see each other for an innocent smile or a touch. Now it was a little more complicated.

The girl was resting on her back in the evening, her pajama on, facing the ceilings, and she kept repeating the last two days. Because it actually all went down this quickly.

She heard her phone buzzing, and the name of the caller was of course what she expected.

"Hey." She answered.

"Lydia, can I come over?"

"I…"

"Stop talking, I'm coming over."


	7. Chapter 7

**_Hello. Firstly, I want to thank all of you for your reviews. They mean the world to me. And secondly, this chapter is inspired by T. Swift's song "The Last Time". It's a little different._**

_I find myself at your door,  
Just like all those times before,  
I'm not sure how I got there,  
All roads—they lead me here._

I imagine you are home,  
In your room, all alone,  
And you open your eyes into mine,  
And everything feels better.

**It's open.** Lydia Martin.

Stiles quickly read message on his way to her.

He took a deep breath thinking about her just like always, he thought about counting her freckles when she talks, her hair falling on her shoulder and her cheeks little reddish, every time he gave her any little dorky, awkward compliment.

He thought of her shrug and soft voice and the way she says his name, sounding like an invitation to her heart.

Stiles parked in front of her house, seeing no light in her room. And no light in the whole house for that matter. So her mother was probably out too.

When he finally made it to the house, he went straight upstairs, her bedroom door slightly open.

Lydia was resting on her back, legs bent and both hands on her stomach in her big queen bed. She was facing ceilings, blinking heavily.

_And right before your eyes,  
I'm breaking, no past  
No reasons why,  
Just you and me._

"Hello, Love." He greeted quietly, leaning his head on the side of her doorway.

She turned her head just a little, smiling a little, trying to get a fuller image of him, remembering and taking it all in.

She remained silent, letting him speak, and he definitely had things to say.

"I talked to Malia." He told her, measuring every word. "She thanked me."  
"For what?" Lydia asked.

"Mostly, for the way I pulled her to life. And took care of her." He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets, stepping in to the room and sitting on her bed, not facing her.

"You feel guilty now." That wasn't a question.

"Well I'm supposed to feel guilty, Lydia. I left my Summer for my Christmas Morning. And I know I was all big talk yesterday, but..uhm." He sighed and shifted on her bed, putting his elbows on his knees, looking down. "It happened too quickly for me. I had this amazing girl by my side, and then it all changed in one hour. I just needed to hear that you need me, that you actually love me, and I ran to you instantaneously. Doesn't that make me kind of pathetic? To let you have this kind of power over me?" Stiles looked at her finally.

She sat on her pillow, trying to find words, looking into his eyes, swallowing her tears and fear.

"You know I can't actually answer you that. It's all clouded now. It's been for a long time and you shouldn't ask me, because I will answer you with the way I want things to be, and not the way they should be. Because I want you. And I can't force myself to deny that."

He took a breath and closed his eyes.

"How can I trust you?"

_This is the last time I'm asking you this,  
Put my name at the top of your list,  
This is the last time I'm asking you why,  
You break my heart in the blink of an eye_.

She laughed a little, laughter mixing with tears and put her face in her palms, rolling on her back again.

"Oh my God. Oh my God I'm so stupid. That's what you wanted to talk about. Of course… You don't trust me. "

"Hey, hey Lydia." Stiles reached for her but then controlled himself, intertwining his own fingers together.

"Lydia, I'm sitting here, practically chaining myself because I want to touch you or..or kiss you. But I'm trying here. Because I want to do the right thing. For myself. And I'm sorry, I don't want to get all melodramatic here, but I've seen you with…I don't know, with that weird dude with a cool PlayStation in fifth grade, and Jackson, and my best friend, then Aiden, and all the other guys Allison told me about. How can I believe that you love me? When you ignored me half of my life and then kissed me, and then…you ran back to Aiden."

He wasn't shouting, or speaking angrily. She felt like he was stating facts, and she knew it was true.

"You know, every little thing is true. And it's going to sound cliché and stupid and maybe even bullshit, see I don't know, because I never told anyone these things." Lydia sat up normally, eyes a little red, not crying, but her voice was still thick with tears. "I fell in love with you because of a million tiny things you never knew you were doing. And I'm not afraid right now, because I don't feel like you would actually hurt me. And maybe that's selfish, but I am selfish with you. Because I breathe you. Even the last breath in my lungs is yours."

_And right before your eyes,  
I'm aching, no past  
Nowhere to hide,  
Just you and me..._

"Stiles, can I ask you something?"

"Okay." He nodded.

"Why did you…actually, why didn't you hesitate last night?"

He really thought about this answer, before turning around from her, again.

"I think I was affected by your words. And everything I said I still think is true, but…it was unexpected, and when you wait for these kind of things for so long, when you get them you just..want to grab on them, and stay like this. I was a little drunk by your words. That happens a lot. I get drunk a lot."

Lydia stared at him a little, all of him, his face broken down, eyes filled with worry and love and frustration.

The she came to realization.

"This isn't going to happen, is it?"

He shook his head a little and scooted a little closer. Then brought his hand to caress her cheek.

"I don't know. I don't want to bullshit here, but if I could choose anyone to be with…I'd still be with you."

_This is the last time I'm asking you this,  
Put my name at the top of your list,  
This is the last time I'm asking you why,  
You break my heart in the blink of an eye…_


	8. Chapter 8

Stiles drove to Sherriff's station, carefully, since it was already dark. He brought late dinner to his father, and he also felt like he could use someone to talk to. Just like for the past month.

About three or four weeks ago, he left Lydia's house, without a goodbye, without a word. Since that night everything is his life has gotten just a little darker and less steady in his life. Of course he thought it was for the best, he really did need time to figure everything out. Everything happened too quickly for him.

Stiles was starting to think that maybe his choice was too rushed, maybe he shouldn't have left Malia, girl who was crazy about him, who he really cared about.

However, all this time apart from Lydia, didn't help him to put things in order, mostly he just missed her. They ate lunch in the same cafeteria, and went to same classes, also pack meetings. But he never really got the chance to talk to her, although he wasn't even sure what he would've said to her.

He got out of the car with a brown bag of food and walked right in the station.

"Daddy-o!"

Sherriff greeted his son with a smile and a comment.

"Don't make much noise, son. People are still working, and not just me."

Stiles looked around and saw a light in another deputy's office. Then nodded.

"Deputy Parrish is still working?" He frowned. "It's late."

"Yeah." His father said biting a sandwich. "He's working on some important cases. A good guy, really helps me. This sandwich is amazing." He smirked.

They sat in silence for a while, the only thing interrupting silence was intensive typing on a computer keyboard from another office.

"Sherriff?!" Parrish stormed into his office.

"Oh, sorry. Hello, Stiles." He nodded towards dark haired boy sitting on a chair. "I'm sorry for interrupting your meal, but I think we found something. Not right..just like always. You know."

Stiles' father got up from the chair and whipped his mouth with a napkin.

"It's fine Parrish, let's go check it out."

"Whoa, well I'm definitely coming with you." Stiles said quickly and stepped out of the room alongside with two policemen.

The second he walked in Parrish's office he saw one person he…was definitely wasn't expecting to see.

She was sitting at the computer, typing something, lips a little parted like always when she was being very focused, a little pale and tired, maybe thinner even, with dark circles around her eyes. But she still looked beautiful, she looked serious. Even with all the strawberry blonde hair mess on her head and shoulders.

"Something's not right, Jor….Stiles." Lydia finally looked up from the screen, and observed his attendance.

"Hi." She said.

He just looked at her, not saying anything. Reading her face like a map that he wanted to travel.

"Okay…" Parrish said quietly. "Lydia, do you want to explain the situation to Sherriff or should I?"

"You can handle it." She smiled at him, and then immediately returned her gaze back to Stiles.

He walked to her and stood close behind her, then leaned in closer, so his chin was right over her head.

"There's been four murders, all included a hit in a head and multiple body stabbing. It's not just that though. The odd thing is…the bites. They all have teeth marks on their hands. Of course they do, there always has to be something."

"So, Jordan what are you saying?" Sherriff asked.

Stiles tried to listen but it was hard to concentrate, seeing Lydia right now, made him go over and over that last time they really talked. Maybe she did hurt him years ago, he was right about that. But that night he definitely hurt her.

And she looked different right now, somehow. She still had that love in her eyes, yes, but she didn't look at him with that much of expectation right now. He was slowly starting to see that fading away over the past month, but this time it just felt different. Maybe it had something to do with the young deputy, standing suspiciously close to his love, but it simply _felt different_, looking at her.

"Well that's where it gets interesting. That kind of activity just..keeps refreshing. Like the same things happened eight years ago. And the four years ago. And now. That's where our psychic…"

"Lydia is not psychic." Stiles finally spoke.

Parrish closed his eyes for a second and nodded.

"Right, damn. You something, right?" He shifted so he can look at her.

She finally looked up to him, but before she could say anything, Stiles interrupted again.

"Where did you get that idea?"

Deputy looked right at him.

"Well, Lydia told me that someone told her that, and she just thought it was the best match to describe it."

"Thanks. Shall we continue?" Lydia asked uncomfortably.

* * *

Lydia rubbed her eyes.

"You need a ride home?" Sherriff asked.

"No, thanks…" She yawned and put on her jacket. "I think I'm going to walk."

"It's dark already!"

"You're not going alone, Lydia."

Jordan and Stiles looked at each other after they both yelled at Lydia at the same time.

She didn't make eye contact to any of the guys, she just grabbed her bag and walked to the door.

"I'm okay, thank you. I really need fresh air, I've been here.." She peeked at her wrist watch and raised her eyebrows. "..wow, seven hours today. So..see you tomorrow, Jordan. Bye, Stiles."

Stiles somehow knew what to do. He ran after her and stopped her.

"Do you mind if I walk you?"

She looked into his eyes and a sad smile curved on her lips.

"No offense, but…And I really mean it, your voice is probably my favorite sound in the world, basically it is my world, but I'm just…tired. Badly. And I need the world to be quiet right now."

He took her one hand, another still in his pocket, and pulled her closer, then kissed her forehead. He could actually feel her shiver.

"Okay." That was all he said.

She took a step back, smiled at him again and was just about to walk away, but then something stopped her and Lydia turned back to see his face.

"You know I don't remember our last Goodbye?" She asked him.

Lydia stood in the parking lot of the station, and he stood on the front steps. She didn't move, and neither did he. They just looked at each other, when she finally took a breath and talked again.

"You never know when your last Goodbye is, because you never know your last Goodbye is your last Goodbye. You always expect there to be more. And I don't remember it."

Stiles didn't speak. He listened to her steady voice, and her hurtful words.

"Goodbye."


End file.
